i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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