I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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