did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
