I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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