Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
