Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
