So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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