All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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