Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
