i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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