Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
