I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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