I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
