I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
