My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
