so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
