I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Man, jail baloney is awful.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
