Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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