i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
