why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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