I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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