he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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