I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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