So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize