Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
