I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
