he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
