I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
