I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
