Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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