omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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