mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
wow bdsm is so cute
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