do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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