i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
