I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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