The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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