There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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