ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
