o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
