my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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