I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
