I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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