After last night, I could never be a politician.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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