would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
