He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize