the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
