Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
