all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
