yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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