I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize