I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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