I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
