I looked at my own cervix.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
