i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize