Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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