Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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