I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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