We got so high we made milksteak
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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