Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize