We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
