I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
