Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
