I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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