Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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