jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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