I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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