I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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