sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize